These days I’m beginning to think that my life seems boring. It doesn’t bother me much but from the outside looking in, nothing’s really been happening. I haven’t been going out lately and I haven’t had any regular activities outside of work and home. I’ve stopped going to the dojo, for the most part because I can’t afford the monthly fee with my current income. I also haven’t been going out with my friends. Most are busy, or far away, or our schedules don’t match. We live to do things for convenience these days and meeting up is not convenient.
On my recent days off I’ve just been cooking. I made breakfast for myself and made sure to make kimchi stew, buttered mashed potatoes, and coleslaw salad to save for days when I don’t feel like cooking. I have stopped reading books a long time ago- thus my obsession with graphic novels and zines- quick reads but not necessarily lacking in depth. Which is why I must seem boring. People often judge you by the music you listen to, books you read, and films you watch. That makes sense but I don’t think one favourite film or music can define you. I have really bad memory and I’m the kind of person who can’t pick something as a favourite right at the top of my head.
On one of those rare nights out- a guy I had been hanging out with asked me what kind of music I listened to. My playlist was too varied to have one major thing. Everything and anything I said, I didn’t like listening to music too much when I was working – it distracted my thought process. He looked at my friend and asked her where she had met me. A dig – to insinuate that I was just a bit too vapid for their crowd. They were activists, and although I was progressive I wasn’t active in the movement. I don’t mean to say that all activists are condescending- I mean, all if not most of my friends are actually activists tbh. I can only count the people I hang out with at school who are blue or yellow in uni political leaning but once in a while you encounter the really annoying ones, the ones with messianic complex. You know, the condescending social justice warrior. . . Anyway I was the odd one out. It may have been a joke, but that’s when I decided to end the murky flirtatious “friendship” I had with him. A few hours earlier he had said “you don’t need to explain, love” when he cut me off from a conversation- I guess I realized that I had no patience or tolerance for condescending men or people tbh. And that was it, my jittery feelings of almost a year quickly evaporated. If only we could move on from other people just as quickly.